


keep running 'till we're there

by meggiewrites



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Arguing, FIFA World Cup 2014, German National Team, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Making Up, Marriage Proposal, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 01:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13893465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meggiewrites/pseuds/meggiewrites
Summary: 2014. Brazil. The night after their biggest win yet. Mats asks Benedikt a question. The answer isn't exactly what he expected.





	keep running 'till we're there

**Author's Note:**

  * For [temsah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/temsah/gifts).



> It's 2 am, this was supposed to be another "drabble" ... and yet another one that grew over 1000 words long and thus, is meant to be its own little story.
> 
> Unbeta'd but I gave it a little edit now, but there might still be some mistakes hiding there, feel free to point them out to me! Enjoy ^^
> 
> On another note, my dear friend Temsah – to whom I gifted this – isn't really comfortable with the 2014 World Cup, and even though she reassured me that she thinks the setting is fitting for this story, I want to apologize for messing up and forgetting that! (I hope you forgive 2am me, who is only made out of tiredness and random phrases and not too much brain)

Benedikt feels shitty. He feels shitty because they’d just crushed Brazil in their own country, everyone else is celebrating, and he and Mats had an argument.

They almost never argue. In the five years they’ve been together, they’ve had four, maybe five major arguments.

It hurts to see Mats sitting with the lads, laughing and chatting, and knowing that that big smile is as fake as the engagement ring he gave to Lisa a few months; even worse knowing that he’s the one to cause it.

It all started with the weddings, because of course it did. They had been Mats’ idea originally, a fine plan to finally get any kinds of remaining rumors of their back. Bene had been quick to agree – he adores Lisa, knows he can offer her a good life, and she’s his best friend, even if he sometimes feels terrible for what he reduces her to, always having to play second fiddle, never able to live up to the one and only Mats Julian Hummels, love of Benedikt Höwedes’ life.

He hadn’t expected this second part of Mats’ plan. He hadn’t expected him to get down on one knee as soon as they were back at Campo Bahia, out of sight from everyone else, the sun leaving a golden shimmer on Mats’ usually pitch black hair.

He is sure Mats hadn’t expected him to say no either. The hurt in his boyfriend’s eyes was so fierce that it almost made him change his mind immediately.

But he had to stand by his reasons, still did now, hours later.

“And how the hell’s that supposed to work, Mats? Marriage records are public, and so are the ones for civil partnership! They would find out before we even had a chance to enjoy our honeymoon!”

Because apparently, that was Mats’ masterplan: pretending to get married to their girlfriends and instead marrying each other.

Bene sighs. 

The ring Mats picked is beautiful. He carelessly tossed it to the side angrily as he stomped off, trying and failing to hide the tears rushing down his face, making Bene’s stomach clench, wondering if he himself had just thrown their happiness away just like that.

Bene picked it up from where it’d been laying in the dirt, but even when he tried to wash it underneath the tab of the bathroom sink, he hadn’t managed to get all the dirt out of the intricate pattern.

Now, it’s sitting heavy in his pocket, reminding him of the promise he didn’t give, thinking of all the words he could have said instead. ("It’s not like I don’t want to marry you.” – “I love you Mats, but it’s impossible.” And the one that hurts the most, that he wanted to say the most, knowing he couldn’t: “I do.”)

He doesn’t exactly know what goes through his mind when he finally slips it on, sitting by himself, listlessly sipping on his drink – it tasted too sweet on his tongue.

In the end, he retreats to his room early. It almost makes him feel sick, everyone’s cheerful voices, mixing with the beat of the music, drenched in the vibrant colours of the setting sun; he leaves just before it became too much.

When he’s back in the darkness his room, he hesitates. After a moment of standing in the shadows, he fumbles for his phone. The screen lights up with dozens of messages from people congratulating him, but of course, there is nothing from Mats, even if some foolish part of him managed to hope for it.

The bed feels cold when he lies down. They usually spend the night at Mats’, since his room is more remote, a bit more out of sight from their teammates and the coaching staff. This one has only been slept in once or twice ever since they arrived.

He falls asleep staring at the black screen, the white noise of the ongoing party outside lulling him into a restless sleep.

It’s completely silent once he abruptly wakes up again. Initially, he doesn’t know what it was that disturbed him – he’s quite a heavy sleeper – until he notices the dark figure in the corner.

“Mats?” he whispers.

The voice that carries back to him sounds small, defeated, containing none of the usually confidence that Mats normally wears like a second skin.

“How did you know?”

Bene manages a weak smile. “Who else would enter my room without permisson. And I guess I just took my chances, assuming that you were no burglar.”

The bed squeaks as Mats sits down at the edge.

“Can I sleep here?”

It breaks Bene’s heart how insecure he sounds. He nods. It takes him a moment until he realizes that Mats can’t see it and he repeats it out loud.

Mats makes a bit of a mess out of getting into bed, always has; almost tugging the sheets off Bene’s body, tangling his legs in them – Bene wouldn’t mind, actually, even during the nights and with decent air-conditioning, it’s almost unbearably hot for their Central European perception – this time, he hesitates until he dares to shuffle up to Bene, placing an arm around him so carefully that the touch feels as light as a feather.

He breathes out. “I lost the ring.”

Bene reaches up to squeeze his hand with his own left, the metal of the ring warm against Mats’ cold fingers.

“You’re wearing it?” He sounds so incredulous that it almost makes Bene smile before he once more realizes what he might have shattered with his unkind words.

“I do want to marry you, Mats.“ He can feel the other’s breath hitch against his skin, his heart beat a rhythm against his back in tune with his own. “It’s just. I always thought we would wait. Until after our careers, after everything. What we have now is good enough, isn’t it?”

Mats snorts. “Good enough? We don’t even live together, Benedikt! I’m sick and tired of pretending to be in a loving relationship when it stopped being much more than a cover ages ago. I’m sick of not being with you.“

“But we love each other, that’s what’s the most important thing. And Cathy loves you as well, just as you also love her.”

“Not as much as you,” Mats murmurs, but Bene is quick to shush him again.

“Haven’t you always wanted kids? I can’t give you that. Mats,“ he turns around, framing Mats’ beloved, familiar face with his hands, "I love you. More than anything else. Let’s live these lives, the best way we can under the given circumstances. And afterwards, I promise, we’ll be together. Always.”

Mats looks still looks skeptical. For a while, they lay quietly side by side, making Bene fear for the worst. He can feel the relief slipping off his shoulders when Mats finally sighs, running a jittery hand through his inky curls before nodding, locking his eyes with Bene’s.

“I really don’t know if I can go on like we did, Bene. But for you, I promise I will try.”

The kiss tastes bittersweet, but there is a tentative smile on Mats’ lips as they break away that slowly transforms into a grin.

“So, was that a yes?”

 

**Author's Note:**

>   * Considering they got married so closely after each other, I always liked to entertain the conspiracy/fanfic theory of 'what if they secretly got married to each other instead?' even if I know that even in fic verse, that's highly unlikely 
>   * Title from the Dotan song _Home_
>   * I write FICTION about real people. None of this is intended to harm them or their reputation in any way
> 

> 
> Please leave kudos and maybe a comment if you liked it! | [tumblr](http://manuelmueller.tumblr.com/)


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